There is freedom waiting for you on the breezes of the sky,
and you ask “What if I fall?”
Oh but my darling,
what if you fly?
If you look close enough, you can tell when a girl has had her heart broken. There’s something in the way she smiles, the dull glimmer of her eyes that tells you someone or something has shattered her into a million, tiny pieces. If you look close enough, you can see she’s learning to piece back the fragments; and if you get close enough, you’ll see as to why.
When a girl gets her heart broken, she becomes half-herself. She feels as though the other part of her left with the one she was with or loved or wanted to love. She hates this feeling though and so she’ll make up her mind to do everything in her power to avoid such thinking. She’ll distract herself with people and things and places that she’s never met, tried, or seen before. A broken-hearted girl will do whatever it takes to protect herself from experiencing this crushing, all-consuming wave of despair ever again, but in her shattered heart of hearts know, she’d take the wreckage all again.
Because a girl with a broken heart doesn’t lie down and accept defeat forever. At some point, she gets up from the ashes of memories surrounding her, dusts herself off, and learns to walk away from a mindset that no longer suits her, or brings her happiness. A broken-hearted girl reminds herself of who she is, what she wants, and why she deserves it; and becomes the other half of herself she lost when she lost him.
A girl who’s experienced heartbreak goes out into the world and sees that all she wants she can have; and all she needs is herself to do so. She becomes a vibrant, tantalizing woman who exudes a new-found form of confidence that dazzles the fantasies of on-looking men and sparks the envy of other women around her. She forms a new whole from the hole in her heart.
But even in her mystique and self-assurance, a broken-hearted girl is still filling in her cracks. If you look close enough, you’ll see the chips in her skull from when she tried to knock the thoughts of him out of her head. If you look close enough, you’ll see there are still traces from her fall.
Because a woman who once had her heart broken can learn to forgive, yes, but she will never forget how a broken heart feels. She’ll do anything she can to show herself that next time she won’t be so naïve, or idealistic, or vulnerable, but deep down realize that isn’t the way it goes.
A once broken-hearted woman knows that all wounds, no matter how bad, heal in time and that love will come again. It will hit her like a double-decker bus when she least expects it, perhaps least needs it, but at that point, she’ll be ready. Because when a girl gets her heart broken, she becomes a woman. She learns how to fight her own battles, bandage her own cuts, but most importantly, love herself most of all. So when this woman falls in love again, she won’t let her heart break as it did before. Be rest assured, she’ll be the one to catch her fall.
via thought catalog, Nicole Mormann.
This is a confession that does not matter now but should have been said a long time ago. A confession so long overdue but still needs to be heard. A confession of no longer importance but changed my discernment in an essential way. And even if all of these had become no more, I still want to come clean.
So I confess to you my friend. Bless me, for I have sinned. And that sin is called holding back.
I confess that if things had gone differently, we would be in the place where we wanted to be. I confess that I believe if one of us just said what one thought of the other, we might have been on the same page, or on the moving forward-stage.
I confess that every time I think about an episode of my life that involves you, everything about it revolves around this thing called regret. I confess that there are so many things I know I should have done to change the course of what happened, so many things I know I should have said that might alter the way we perceive each other, forever.
I confess that I had longed so much to know what went on inside that head of yours when we were on the peak of togetherness. The random meet-ups, the movie friendly dates, the platonic lunch and dinner moments, as well as the silly online chatting and long hours of phone conversations. And I confess that every day, I used to wish I did.
I confess that you were one of my closest, if not best friends. But also, I confess that from the very first day, you were never really a friend to me. I confess that even before you knew my favorite color, or my whole name, you were already more than a buddy to me.
I confess that it used to ache when you told me stories about the person you used to like. I confess that my remarks of support and words of wisdom were all fake. I confess that I wished I was that girl you liked.
Over the years of closeness, I confess that I honestly believe we were once on the same page. I confess that people had been accusing me of not thinking clearly, of assuming dangerously. But I confess that I knew better. I confess that I knew you well enough to arrive at the conclusion that something was once mutual between us.
I confess that I tried to wait, that I wanted to wait. I confess that I thought a move will be initiated. I confess that I was hurt when you never did a thing. I confess that there are so many moments that my tongue nearly slipped, with unsaid words almost gliding out. I confess that I had penned my feelings about you, and that I wished you had seen all of those.
I confess that I thought keeping this will keep you in my life. I eventually learned nothing will. I confess that I hoped I just didn’t hide this from you. Because I realized no matter what I did or did not do and say, I still wasn’t able to keep you.
Yet, I confess that maybe I mistook it for love. I confess that I realized this might not be that great of a feeling, that what I felt for you is nothing compared to what I felt with other people that I’d been with, and the one I am with now. And that I still find it difficult to make sure if this was really love.
But then, I confess that I sometimes wonder if this could have turned into a sure love had I only said something. If we only took a step further. And I confess that that conjecture had kept me awake for many nights before. I confess that even if this was not really love at all, this was one hell of an emotion that almost haunted me for a long time. I confess that I went through stages of grief because of you. I confess that I was in denial, anger and sadness because every investment I had in this thing was slowly going down the drain. I confess that I bargained for opportunities in exchange for a time with you. And yes, I confess that it took so long for me to finally accept that nothing will ever happen.
And I confess that until now, I still think about what would really turn out if you knew what I felt. Even though I know you recognized it well enough.
I confess that I wished you were brave enough to accept or reject me if you really had an idea about it. I confess that I want to believe there will come a time when we could just casually talk and laugh about it.
I confess that the biggest frustration I have whenever I think of this is that I failed before I even started. I confess that the factor that made me fool myself into thinking I was into this for a long time was that I was not given a chance. I confess that maybe, acceptance would come to me earlier if you only gave me that chance to prove if this was a real emotion or not.
Instruct me to utter a hundred Hail Marys and Glory Bes for this last confession: although I am somehow thankful that you didn’t give way for a big heartbreak to occur, I confess to you my friend about my hope that maybe after reading this; you will realize that you broke a little something in me still.
via Thought Catalog.
Hosted a surprise birthday party for my mom on saturday! it was such a success; she was so surprised 🙂
the company was great and amazing that we got to spend quality time with the ones we love ❤
So proud of my little brother. first of all, he passed his black belt test. He is officially a black belt in tae kwon do now.
I would never be able to do something like that’ he’s so brave. secondly, he graduated! elementary school, of course. he is off to middle school.
soon enough, he will be going to college 🙂 he is such a successful little boy and has so much potential.
she’s the cutest dog ever! i love her ❤ just had to dedicate a post to her haha 11 years old this august!
so much has happened this year. good and bad. peonies from my mom’s friend’s garden. this friend just had a mastectomy. hope she recovers well!